After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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