oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
this will be a night to untag.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
