I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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