If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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