Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
