ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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