Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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