he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
pray to the hookup gods
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
