Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
