i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
