Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
you had me at cake vodka
I feel like death gave me a hand job
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
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