can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
