I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
