pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
