Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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