I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
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