i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
