two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
