don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
