I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Are we in a gay sports bar?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
