HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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