Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
