i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I AM VODKA MAN
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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