If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
i think i just lost a toe
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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