Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
