I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
