I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
