she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
