the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
