Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
