I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
