so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Randomize