HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
