There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
