she woke up with a sticky ear
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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