Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
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