How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
