I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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