OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Randomize
