Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
