yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
