My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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