Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
FUCK WHALES
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
