pedialite and red bull = repair kit
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
