I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
