everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
