never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize
