My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
