Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
