Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
