I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
