Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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