I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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