Three words: puerto rican gang bang
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
my being single is dangerous.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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