the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
