Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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