need another drink. this is the easiest way
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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