I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
