we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
