youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Randomize
