after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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