I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
