I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
