Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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