where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
