You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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