I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
