this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
