What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
