organizing the empties. That sober.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
